Flourishing By Following: Jesus On Marriage (Matthew 5:31-32)

Introduction

Imagine being invited to a marriage conference where a world-renowned couple is sharing their advice. This couple holds three PhDs between them, boasts decades of counseling experience, and has thousands of success stories. Unfortunately, the day before the event, you fell ill with food poisoning and had to stay home. After recovering, you ask several friends who attended the event about their experiences. You expect they will be filled with insights from this amazing couple and joyfully share how God has transformed their relationships in just a few short days. The first couple you speak with is a young, engaged pair. They tell you that after the conference, they decided to break off their engagement because the standards of marriage presented to them felt unachievable. After this shocking and disappointing conversation, you speak with two couples who have been married for several years about their experiences. One husband confesses that he wishes he had known the demands of marriage before tying the knot. In a group setting, he shares this while his wife nods in agreement, revealing that they both regret their wedding vows and wish they could rewind their lives to avoid such a heavy commitment. You can’t believe what you are hearing from your friends. The other couple strangely echoes “amen” to the words of the first couple and expresses that they believe most attendees felt it’s better to stay unmarried than to commit to the hard work of marriage.

You feel both confused and angry. In your bewilderment and rage, you erupt with the question, “What did they say?” In unison, they respond, “They quoted Jesus of Nazareth.” This is a fictional story, but it reflects the response that many had to Jesus' view of marriage during His earthly ministry, and it may mirror your reaction to His teachings today. After Jesus teaches about marriage and divorce, this is how His disciples, not the crowds, reacted; they said, “If such is the case for a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). What did Jesus say about marriage that prompted such a response from his closest followers?

Big Idea: What God Joins, Man Can’t Separate.

We often overlook the spiritual dimension of marital vows. At a wedding, we see two people making a commitment to each other. We observe a beautiful picture of two wills agreeing to serve one another. This two-person partnership is certainly taking place, but it is not the only aspect at play. There is a divine act of creation in marriage. God is forming a new flesh. Two are becoming one, not through their own efforts, but by the power of God. This union cannot be broken by humans alone; only by God’s permission can such a union be dissolved. Jesus will demonstrate that some in His time lived as if they weren't married, even though in God’s eyes they were, which meant they were committing adultery by pursuing unwarranted romance.

Passage

Matthew 5:31-32, “31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Misapplying Deuteronomy 24

In verse 31, Jesus references the teaching on divorce in Deuteronomy 24. This passage became the source text for the practice of divorce among Jews in Jesus' time.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

We cannot unpack everything this passage says today, but it is essential to see how this text influenced the views of Jesus' audience. First, this passage teaches that there are valid grounds for divorce, specifically identifying “indecency” in a spouse. Second, there is the possibility of remarriage after a divorce. The term “indecency” appears only a few other times in the Old Testament, making it challenging to understand its precise meaning.

Before Jesus’ time, two main views emerged regarding the meaning of this term. One school of thought adopted a narrow interpretation, asserting that “indecency” referred specifically to sexual sins, such as adultery. In contrast, the other school of thought embraced a much broader understanding, wherein "indecency" included aspects like a wife having an unusually shaped face, an underbite, or other unattractive physical traits. It also encompassed unfavorable behaviors, such as speaking to another man in public or unintentionally burning dinner. Unfortunately, the broader interpretation of this term was the prevailing view during Jesus' day, making the commitment of marriage virtually meaningless. A wife in those days lived with the constant fear that if she gained weight or forgot to complete a household chore, she would be left to fend for herself. This is not how God intended marriage to be, and Jesus would not allow this common perspective to stand unchallenged.

Jesus Confronts this Misinterpretation

Just as in His teachings on lust and murder, Jesus addresses the core issue of the Pharisees’ misinterpretation. He diagnoses the impure hearts of the Pharisees that distort Scripture for selfish gain. He demonstrates that the Pharisees’ trivial interpretation seeks to evade the serious commitment God requires in marriage. This conclusion is affirmed by Jesus' fuller conversation with the Pharisees concerning marriage and divorce. In Matthew 19, when He shares similar words regarding marriage and divorce, he refers back to God’s original intention for marriage.

Matthew 19:3-9, “And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Many of the Pharisees neglected to consider Deuteronomy 24 in the context of Genesis 2:24. God’s desire was that marriage would not dissolve in divorce, but due to sin—‘the hardness of heart’—He permitted it to prevent a spouse from enduring abuse, mistreatment, and betrayal.

The Pharisees' hardened hearts found a loophole in God’s Law to exploit. We see this heart in verse 3; they believed they could divorce for “any cause.” This was not God’s intention. They aimed to soften the high calling of marriage. Jesus shows the Pharisees that if they honored the essence of God’s intention for marriage in Genesis 2, they would have realized that Deuteronomy 24 was only permitting divorce under the serious grounds of sexual indecency.

Jesus shows us how invalid divorces actually promote more sin. An invalid divorce is no divorce at all, which is why Jesus uses the language of “adultery” in Matthew 5:32. A divorced woman in first-century Palestine would almost have to pursue remarriage to survive financially. Jesus teaches that a husband who has wrongly divorced his wife places her in a position to commit adultery because her marriage was not dissolved for a biblical reason. Jesus adds that a man who marries a woman divorced on illegitimate grounds is committing adultery as well. All this adultery occurs because the first marriage is not truly dissolved; it still exists in God’s eyes. God has joined them together, and these false, man-made grounds have not separated them.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, our culture views marriage similarly to that of the audience that Jesus addresses in His sermon here. “No-fault divorce” has significantly undermined our understanding of marriage and weakened our resolve to persevere through conflict and discomfort. We, too, live in a culture that considers discomfort and dissatisfaction as valid reasons for divorce. This perspective on commitment diminishes our grasp of God’s faithfulness to us. Marital love is meant to reflect Christ's love for the Church. Imagine if Christ was as committed to us as our culture suggests spouses should be to one another. Christ would have abandoned us long ago.

Steps

I want to get really practical today by asking you to evaluate your marital commitment and how it reflects the love of Christ for the Church. Imagine if Jesus spoke about you the way you talk about your spouse with others. How bitter and impatient are you when your spouse lets you down? Do you think this is how Jesus sees you? Do you catch yourself saying or thinking, “There goes my stupid husband making yet another mistake. When will he get it through his thick head that his way is wrong?” Or, “She is so spiteful and unforgiving; when will she stop bringing up my past?” Do you think Jesus speaks like that about us when we fail Him? Jesus is gentle and lowly. He knows our faults and failures and brings them to light to heal them, not shame us. Imagine if we treated our spouse like Christ treats the Church. Divorce rates would plummet in the Church significantly.

If you are single, I want to share the moment I knew I was in love. I thought I would know I was in love when I was filled with joy and happiness by how a woman treated me. I believed that true love would be revealed by how their actions made me feel. Surprisingly, this wasn’t when I realized I truly loved Lindsey. We were driving back from the beach, and Lindsey was in the passenger seat, leaning against the door, asleep. Her face was smiling as she rested. I remember thinking that all I wanted to do for the rest of my life was to put a smile on her face. My greatest joy was to bring her delight. If you're not yet married, search for the one whom you take great joy in serving. This type of love reflects Christ's love for the Church.

Life Level Application

Head: Read Ephesians 5:25-33. How does Paul describe the relationship between husband and wife? How does this parallel Christ's relationship with the Church? How can this shape our understanding of marital commitment?

Heart: Read 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Paul gives instructions about marriage and divorce in this passage. How do these align with Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5? What additional insights does Paul provide?

Hand: Read Matthew 18:21-35. In light of this passage, how should forgiveness and grace play a role in marriage? How does this relate to Christ's forgiveness of us?

Habit: Considering Proverbs 5:18-19 and Song of Solomon 4:9-11, how does the Bible portray the joy and delight of marriage? How can this inform our approach to marital commitment?